No. I, your dad, haven’t bought you any Christmas presents. No, that isn’t the wry smile of deceit you see nestled on my face. Yes, technically I could tell you that I haven’t bought you any Christmas presents without that being a lie if, in fact, I knew that your mum was buying all of your Christmas presents, while I’m paying for some other bill we need to settle. No, I’m not going to go and get her so that you can specifically ask her whether she’s bought you any Christmas presents. Why? Sorry, my lips are sealed. Perhaps, though, you should consider that I may simply not fancy expending the effort.
That, in an overly wordy nutshell, is how a social media interaction CD Projekt had the other day played out. The Cyberpunk 2077 developers decided it was necessary to tell a fan that the futuristic RPG doesn’t have any secret extra add-ons coming. Naturally, questions about the secret extra DLC rumoured to be coming for The Witcher 3 suddenly began bubbling up everywhere once again.
“We have no plans for additional DLCs or expansions,” the studio wrote. “If anything changes, we will inform you all!” Ok. Cool. Was it entirely necessary for them to directly respond to an account with 12 followers which almost exclusively looks to just retweet popular game-related posts? To be fair, that account’s interview skills were on point. My questions almost always end up being more long-winded than “When secret new DLC?”
Apart from that lesson in brevity, why’s this something I’ve written a news story about? Well, it’s because the continued existence of persistent rumours and reports about The Witcher 3 – that other big CD Projekt RPG – allegedly being in line for an unannounced final DLC mean that there was no way the studio weren’t going to attract attention with this response.
You can’t tell people you’re not doing secret extra DLC for one game when you’re rumoured to be doing secret extra DLC for another without the secret extra DLC chatter hitting new levels. You could even argue that this reply was akin to releasing secret extra DLC for the secret extra DLC chatter, since that would not only increase the amount of secret extra DLC chatter, but plant the seed that since there was one secret extra DLC for the chatter, there could be even more secret extra DLC for it, which wouldn’t be known about yet because it’s secret. The result? An endless cycle of secret extra DLC chatter that stretches on to the end of time, at which point it’d morph into chatter about the potential for time itself getting some secret extra DLC which causes it not to actually end.
Basically, what I’m saying is that it’s incredibly important for humanity at this point that the Witcher 3’s much-rumoured secret extra DLC – no matter how much me or you might want it to – turns out not to be real. First, the secret extra DLC chatter came for whoever’s running CD Projekt’s socials, and I’m making sure I say something, even if I’m not a CD Projekt social media person.
To end on a non-secret extra DLC chattery note, CD Projekt have at least made clear for the second time there’ll be no more extra Cyberpunk DLC. For realsies this time.
